Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
