can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
