i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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