i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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