Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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