remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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