I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
