Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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