I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
