My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
