I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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