I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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