Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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