But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
