you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
