So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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