I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
