I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
