Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
