apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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