I think I won the penis lottery.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
