Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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