Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
