So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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