i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
