Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
