My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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