i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
