He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
