Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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