I just made out with a guy for $7.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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