my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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