As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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