are you so shy because you have an std?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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