It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
