it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize