update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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