OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
