Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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