trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
