I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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