How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
