just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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