I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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