I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
