She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
