Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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