The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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