Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
