i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
