i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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