You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think my moral compass just broke
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
