Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
