we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
