A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
