god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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