Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
