At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
ttyl tear gas
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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